Brad's Worst Reality
by Pyrochan
Summary: *ch6 up* (shounen-ai/yaoi) The three Schwarz members watched with dazed expressions on their faces. "What the hell just happened?" Schuldig asked. Nagi was blushing from head to toe, "Ano..."
1. Chapter One

Author's Notes: Don't ask. *shakes head* Just don't ask. After reading several "Weiß or Schwarz get turned into chibi's or other things" fics, I figured I might try a shot at it. Of course, there are no chibis in this fic. Mwahahaha.... ¬.¬ 

Disclaimer: These bishounen do not belong to me. *sobs* They belong to Takehito Koyasu *swoons* and Project Weiss and whoever owns them that I didn't list here. Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (I mean there's 1,681 Weiss fics on FF.net alone, like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something.

******************************************************************************************

****

Brad's Worst Reality 

******************************************************************************************

Brad opened his eyes. His entire body hurt. What had just happened anyway? He stared up at the ceiling trying to regain his memories............................. 

Takatori had given Schwarz a 'clean-up' mission. They were to go to Masafumi's mansion and destroy lab experiments that got out of hand. When questioned why Schrient could not eliminate the problem, he was told that they were over-whelmed with the number of monsters and disfigured humans and other experiments gone wrong that were trying to destroy the place.

Brad's side mission was to escort Takatori's insolent son, Masafumi, out of the mansion unharmed. The American sighed inwardly. It was bad enough he had to bodyguard koala-man Takatori, but worse when he had to protect the man's offspring. 

So, despite wanting to put a bullet in the mad scientist's head, Brad took Masafumi back to Takatori's office where he could cower behind his father until it was all over.

When Brad told the rest of Schwarz the mission to assist Schreint in ridding the mansion of lab experiments gone wrong, they threatened mutiny. Brad had to promise Schuldig a night of steamy hot sex, had to promise Farfarello a new knife set, and had to promise Nagi a new laptop computer after the mission was over.

They drove to the mansion, which wasn't too far away from their 'stylish' apartment, and met Schreint there. Okay, they didn't really meet them, they just joined in the game of cat and mouse --see a monster or other bad experiment running around, kill it. 

Brad had told the rest of Schwarz that they were not obligated to save any Schreint members who got themselves caught in danger. Nagi paled, and the other two smirked. Brad, unfortunately, didn't get any visions of Schreint being mauled to death by over-sized, disfigured humans.

Not that he didn't have any visions. They were odd to say the least. He wondered if maybe they were true or perhaps Schuldig had put something in his coffee again to numb his shields and take advantage of him. He had glared at the German, who gave him a confused look.

At the mansion, Nagi, as expected, went with Tot. Brad tagged along with them to play baby-sitter, just in case Nagi decided to grab Tot and head for the safer grounds outside the mansion. He needed the telekinetic on the battlefield, not the flowerfield.

The three came to a room where monsters were wrecking havoc. Brad aimed his gun at the first beast he saw, Nagi kept an eye on the reckless Tot while he too attacked, and Tot well...she had her stupid umbrella weapon thing-y.

Then there was the explosion. And everything went black before Brad's eyes. 

He blinked, now fully-conscious and remembered everything clearly... Lab explosion...yes, those tended to be a bit dangerous. 

The pain in his body started to fade, leaving his arms and other limbs tingling. He brought his hands up to his face, to make sure there wasn't any wounds too severe. Wait a sec...since when did his hands look so petite? He re-adjusted his glasses..or would have if they'd been there.

__

Must've been knocked off. He thought.

"Brad, are you ok?!" Nagi's voice asked frantically.

Brad turned his head, but why was Nagi running from him, if he was clearly being talked to? Schuldig and Farfarello came in the room, having heard the explosion. They too, ran to Brad.

"Nagi-kun!"

The three Schwarz members watched with dazed expressions on their faces. 

"What the hell just happened?" Schuldig asked. 

Nagi was blushing from head to toe, "Ano...Brad why are you glomping me?"

"Brad?" Mocha brown eyes stared at Nagi in confusion, then noticed a figure sitting a few feet away from Nagi, then they widened in shock, "Huh?!"

"OH MY GOD!!" the blue-haired girl shrieked.

Nagi turned around, "Ah! Gomen, Tot! It's not what you think!"

He ran over to where the girl sat and tried to comfort her.

"Get your hands off me!"

"Tot, I--"

"I am NOT Tot!"

"Nagi-kun..."

Schuldig burst out laughing, "I get what's happened now."

Nagi looked at the German, confusion in his eyes, "Then would you mind filling the rest of us in?!"

Schuldig smirked, "I believe your Tot-chan is now in Brad's body and my dear Bradley is now stuck in the girl's body," Schuldig turned to face Tot, "Am I right?"

"Yes."

"That or Brad's finally lost it," Schuldig noted that the American was now once again glomped onto Nagi.

"Now that we have that figured out," Brad -in Tot's body- said, standing up, "How do we undo it?"

******************************************************************************************

Author's Notes: Yes, I do realize how confusing the next chapter is going to be. People will be calling Tot 'Brad' and calling Brad 'Tot'. @_@ I gotta figure out how to make it clear for you readers out there. I guess the only way I can explain is that when I say Brad's talking, it'll be Brad in Tot's body. And when Tot's talking, it'll be Tot in Brad's body. That's the only definite part I can make clear.

Um.....anyway, please tell me if you like this story and if I should continue it or not. And the best way to tell me if you hate it or love it is to review! (And yes, if I do continue this, the chapters will be longer. This one was short cause, I wasn't going to put much effort in if it turned out everyone hated it)


	2. Chapter Two

Author's Notes: Once again, this part was kinda hard to write. What, with all the confusion going around. Just picture a super genki Brad (Shigure from Fruits Basket? He's kinda genki. Okiayu does both their voices, that's why I set Shigure as an example) and just picture Tot being serious. I know, some of the stuff that Tot does while in Brad's body, I cannot picture Brad doing on his own unless he was drunk/drugged... Oh yeah, this is the semi-serious "yes-I-do-have-a-plot-to-go-with-this-story" chapter. I promise more humor in the next chapter, but that also brings lots of OOC-ness. Of course you readers don't mind, do you? 

Disclaimer: These bishounen do not belong to me. *sobs* They belong to Takehito Koyasu *swoons* and Project Weiss and whoever owns them that I didn't list here. Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (I mean there's like 2,681 Weiss fics on FF.net alone, like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something.

Also, I want to thank Rinny, Koyuki Aode, K-chan, Link621, Pink Bunny, BlackWind, Kachikara, Ayan for reviewing! *glomps* Oh, and as for the Omi/Nagi pairing, I don't think Weiß is going to be in this...so there won't be any O/N. Gomen ne, BlackWind! 

******************************************************************************************

****

Brad's Worst Reality Chapter Two

******************************************************************************************

"Hang on..." Takatori leaned forward, in his desk chair after he stopped laughing, "Repeat that again?"

Brad closed his -well, Tot's- eyes and sighed. This was unreal. It had to be some kind of twisted nightmare. 

__

Yes, I'm going to wake up now...perhaps in a cold sweat. Schuldig is going to be hovering over me, smirking and asking me what I was dreaming about. That damn German is probably creating this nightmare with his telepathy! Very funny Schuldig, very funny. As soon as I wake up, I'm going to make your day hell.

When he opened his eyes, Takatori was still sitting at his desk and Schwarz and Tot were still in his office. He wasn't dreaming. This was indeed a reality. They had left the Schreint mansion as soon as everyone had figured out what had happened. 

The explosion was actually rather small and didn't actually do much damage...excluding the fact that he was in the wrong body and a psycho girl was in his. Brad demanded that they find a way to fix the problem immediately.

The entire way to Takatori's office (which was also where Masafumi was) seemed to take forever. Unfortunately, they had taken Brad's car on the way to Schreint mansion. Tot's body was too petite to allow Brad to comfortably drive, so he opted for Schuldig to drive instead. But not without the constant threat that if the German got one scratch on his car, Brad would skin Schuldig alive.

Also unfortunately for our poor American...Schuldig and Farfarello, even Nagi found great amusement in Brad's misfortune. He had to threaten them a million times to shut the hell up and stop laughing. Eventually Tot even joined in. 

He would just kill them all after he was back in his own body. Yes....slow, painful deaths and torture for those who dared to mock him...although he'd have to come up with something different to make Farfarello suffer too... Even still, there went all his dignity and pride flit-flit-flit out the window. 

Why hadn't he ever Seen this coming?

Before they had left the Schreint mansion, Brad made Tot show where her bedroom was so that at least he could get out of Tot's ridiculous assassin costume. The girl's closet had been full of clothes, all different types. Some outfits he saw in there were, in his opinion, worse than her poor excuse for an assassin's outfit. 

He fished through and finally found a half-way decent outfit --a blouse with pants. That's when he remembered he would have the female anatomy to deal with. Which also made him remember that she would have his...anatomy to deal with.

It was still very odd though, to see himself from a different perspective. It was almost like looking at a mirror, but then again, not quite. Tot was a very hyper-genki girl, even if she was in the wrong body. And it had been odd...very odd to see a smile on his face and his voice expressing innocent joy. It'd been far too long since he'd seen such expressions on his face.

He looked up at Takatori who was still expecting for him to explain what the hell had happened. He chose the words in the simplest manner he could think of, refraining from acting as if he were speaking to a small child by using gestures.

"A lab explosion," Brad spoke slowly and carefully, enunciating every word, "Caused some sort of chemical spill or gases to be released which resulted in two minds and two bodies getting switched around."

"So although you look like Tot, you are really Brad Crawford?" Takatori asked.

__

Give the koala-man a prize, Brad thought bitterly, "Yes, Mister Takatori. That is correct."

"Ah...are you sure you didn't just...hit your head or something?"

"I assure you, my head is perfectly fine, Sir."

"Can you prove that you are Brad?"

Brad twitched, "Prove?"

He turned around and pointed to Tot who -in Brad's body- was playing with the branches of a plant in the corner of Takatori's office.

"Mister Takatori, have you ever seen me act oddly like that?"

Takatori nodded, "Yes. When Crawford first came to work for me, I had him inspect my room, to check to see if it was bugged. He inspected everything, even the plant."

Brad shook his -Tot's- head.

"I found a bug!"

Tot turned around to face the group whose attention was focused on her. She opened her -well, Brad's- hand and showed everyone.

"See? Caterpillar!"

Schuldig shook his head, trying to suppress a laugh. It was too weird seeing this type of stuff acted out in Brad's body. Farfarello gleamed, pausing in his knife licking to stare at the bug. He'd love to squish it in his hand. Nagi calmly walked over to Tot, picking up the caterpillar and placing it back on it's leaf.

"Leave it alone, Tot. Why don't you sit down?" Nagi asked.

"Nagi-kun, Tot doesn't want to sit down! Tot wants to go home and get out of this stupid man's body! Papa can help Tot and Crawford can't he?" Tot whined.

Takatori sat back in his chair, "Okay...I'm convinced." 

"Mister Takatori, where is Masafumi?" Brad asked.

"There is another office down the hall. He should be there."

Down the hall was another office. In fact there were four offices. Brad sighed inwardly.

"Schuldig, which office is that bastard in?"

"He is located behind door number two!" Schuldig said in his best game show announcer's voice.

They entered the office demanding answers. Masafumi however, only had questions.

"It really worked? You two switched? My research, my experiments, my chemical combinations were a success! I must go to my lab immediately!" Masafumi cheered.

Brad tapped his -Tot's- foot impatiently, "And the chemical combination that undoes it?"

Masafumi looked slightly confused, "Hm? Oh, I haven't gotten to that part yet. This research alone to develop this took five years. Who knows how long it would take to fix a combination that reverses the effect. Could be days, months, weeks, even years."

Brad felt himself falter. _Years?_

******************************************************************************************

Author's Notes: I wasn't too pleased with this chapter... x.x Severely lacking in shounen-ai and humor... *sighs* The next chapter will be better, honest! I need to need to get out of my sudden angst mood and eat some candy to get all hyper-genki to write this fic or it'll be boring at the rate I'm going.... ^^;;; Oh, and reviews still mean a whole lot to me, so keep them coming. I need the encouragement. I know this fic has a lot of potential, and I don't want to let anyone down!


	3. Chapter Three

Author's Notes: Longer chapter, yay! This one's packed with more shounen-ai (SxB and NxB sound good?) and some humor though I write much better angst. So this is my pathetic attempt at humor. Many thanks goes to my friend Yotan for giving me ideas what to write, but I don't think I presented them the way she intended. ^^::: Gomen ne, Yotan!

Disclaimer: These bishounen do not belong to me. *sobs* They belong to Takehito Koyasu *swoons* and Project Weiss and whoever owns them that I didn't list here. Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (I mean there's like 2,681 Weiss fics on FF.net alone, like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something.

Also, I want to thank Koyuki Aode, Kachikara, Sabacat, Kyri, Makoto Kudou, Psycho-Shounen, Rinny and Link621 for reviewing! *glomps* I really appreciate the reviews! Extra thanks for those who've reviewed twice (that _really_ makes my day!) And a special thank you, to Koyuki Aode for the pocky! ^_^v

******************************************************************************************

****

Brad's Worst Reality **Chapter Three**

******************************************************************************************

Brad wanted to scream at the sight presented to him. He honestly did. Twelve hours of being in this body and he swore he was going to have a nervous breakdown before he got back into his own body.

They had left Masafumi's office the night before. Brad had been in a state of shock and utter despair at the news the mad scientist had presented to him.

They had arrived home and all Brad wanted to do was go to bed and wake up normal in the morning. He had headed for his bedroom, mumbling to Nagi to not let Tot out of his sight. 

The last thing he needed was for Tot to kill his body or damage it beyond repair. He did not desire to return to a dysfunctional body.

The others had also eventually gone to bed and the night passed quickly.

Brad opened his eyes, then closed them. No, no...when he opened his eyes, he would be himself again. He sat up in the bed, opened his eyes and was met by sky blue hair falling onto his face.

He groaned, letting himself fall back onto the pillow. He didn't really want to get up. Takatori had been generous enough to give him time off until he got back in his own body.

Part of him still wanted to go to work. It would keep his mind off the current situation he was in. He smiled slightly, remembering he had some work to finish on his computer. Yes, he would definitely tackle that as soon as possible.

Eventually, he got out of the bed, mentally reminding himself to burn the blankets on his bed after this...girl's body had slept there.

He walked down the hallway towards Nagi's room. Nagi had been nice enough to offer to share his wardrobe with Brad until he got back into his own body. Briefly he wondered what the telekinetic would want in return. Some new computer software, perhaps?

He slid the doors open to Nagi's closet and glanced at the clothes. For as many clothes as the boy had, Brad wondered why he always was dressed in his school uniform.

He picked out an outfit, got dressed, then headed for the kitchen. It felt strange, wearing the teenager's clothes, but what he saw in the kitchen was even worse. Clearly, his precognition was not working well while he was in this body. He kept getting surprised.

Once again, he surpressed a scream. Tot had been smart enough to stay in Brad's clothing, rather than trying to dress more feminine. However, that did not stop her from at least attempting the feminine look.

"Ohayo!" she greeted, munching on cereal.

Brad tried his best to speak in a calm, mannerly voice, but all that came out was shouting, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?!"

He stared in complete horror at what she'd done to him. Pigtails. She fixed his hair in pigtails! It looked completely ridiculous, and his hair wasn't even long enough for that.

"I made you pretty!" She explained.

"You...you..." that was when he noticed something else, "Where are my glasses?"

"Um..."

"Well?"

"Well you see..." she began, "I took them off, and I put them down. But when I stood up, I accidentally stepped on them."

"You put them on the floor?"

She nodded.

"You broke my glasses..."

She nodded again.

Brad refrained from throttling her. It was, after all, his body that would suffer if she did. He counted to ten...several times, then called for Schuldig. The German came almost immediately.

"Yes, Miss Brad?"

"Shut up. Where's Nagi?"

"He went to school today."

"I'm gonna kill him."

"For going to school?"

"For not keeping an eye on Tot so that THIS would not happen!" Brad pointed to his body.

Schuldig laughed, "I know. Isn't it funny?" _I already took a picture for which I plan to use for blackmail._ he thought.

Brad glared at him, "Keep an eye on Tot. And DON'T let her do anything stupid to my body, got it?"

"Yes, Miss Brad...which might I add, seems to be showing signs of PMS. Is it that time of the month?"

"No, shut up!"

He stormed out of the kitchen, no longer hungry for breakfast. Yes...deciding to hermit in his bedroom in front of his computer all day seemed like a plan...

Work. Not only was it a task that just had to be done, it was actually something he enjoyed. If his mind was focused on work, it was unable to be focused on other things. 

It was like a mask for the American. Something he could find refuge in. All was right in the world as long as he had something to work on, whether it was cleaning or just simple paperwork.

Today, especially, he desperately needed to get away. To forget that he was in this psychotic female's body. It was working...somewhat. Sky blue hair would fall in his face as he worked, reminding him of the horror that had come upon him only yesterday.

Nagi went to school that morning, leaving himself, Schuldig, and Farfarello to look after the Schreint member. He assigned Schuldig that task, so that he could go work. He still longed to lay down, fall asleep, and wake up in his own body. 

But it didn't appear that would be happening anytime soon. He clenched his fists, adding Takatori Masafumi to the list of people he would torture and kill in a most painful, miserable way as soon as he was back in his own body.

He heard a shrill shriek, that surprised even him, since it was made with his voice. He didn't know his deep voice could reach that high pitch.

Brad sighed, temporarily abandoning his computer to go find out what was going on. At the worst, Farfarello was probably showing her 'how to hurt god' and that freaked her out.

The sight he saw was not what he quite expected, and his jaw dropped in surprise...and something else he couldn't identify at the moment.

"GET AWAY FROM MY BODY!" Brad shouted at Schuldig.

Schuldig had Brad's body pressed up against the wall, wrists pinned against the wall. By the expression on Brad's face, Tot was none too happy about what the German was trying to do either.

Schuldig turned his head, to see a seething Tot -or rather, Brad Crawford- and the expression on the girl's face meant business.

"What?" Schuldig asked.

"What do you mean 'what'?? What the hell are you doing?!" Brad demanded.

"I couldn't help it. This--" he gestured at the still mortified girl in Brad's body, "Turned me on."

"Tot...turned you on?"

"NO!! Your BODY turned me on," Schuldig corrected, "Can't I just forget you two switched bodies for five minutes?"

"Molest that body when I am not in it, and you will never get anything from me again," Brad told Schuldig, "Got it?"

"But dammit, I'm horny! And you promised!"

"Promised what?"

Schuldig shook his head, "Don't EVEN say you don't REMEMBER!!"

[~*~Flashback~*~]

Brad: What would it take to make you guys do this mission with Schreint?

Schu: Hot steamy sex.

Farf: A new knife set. 

Nagi: New laptop computer. 

Schu: More hot steamy sex.

Brad: *shiny-glasses glare*

[~*~End Flashback~*~]

"Well that was BEFORE any of this happened!" Brad explained.

Schuldig whined, "It's still the same sexy American body!"

"Well, leave my body alone!" Brad went back into the room, slamming the door behind him.

Schuldig swore under his breath. Tot regained her composure and kicked Schuldig in the shin, before running off.

It seemed forever until Nagi got home from school. Tot had wandered around the apartment searching for a crawl space to hide in, under, or behind, finally settling for Nagi's room, next to his desk.

"Tot?"

Tot sighed, wishing to disappear, wishing to be in her own body, wishing to be back at home. So she wasn't especially pleased when Nagi found her hiding place.

"Tot," Nagi greeted. 

Nagi set his backpack on the floor, next to his bed and approached her, one hand behind his back.

"I brought something for you."

"A surprise?"

He nodded, sitting on the carpeted floor. And revealed what was behind his back.

"Rabbi-chan!"

She held tightly onto the small stuffed animal rabbit, then looked up at Nagi.

"Arigato, Nagi-kun!" she leaned forward, hugging the boy, then kissed him.

Nagi pulled away almost immediately, and Tot looked at him, confused.

"Gomen ne, Tot! It just...it just felt like I was being kissed by...by Brad," he blushed.

She smiled, then laughed, which only made Nagi blush a deeper shade of red.

"I forgot," was her only explanation.

They sat in silence for a moment. Tot started to play with her bunny, while idle. Nagi however, was thinking. He'd been kissed by Tot...yet, that was Brad. And...

"No..." Nagi said gently, turning to Tot, "It's alright."

Tot stopped playing with the bunny, long enough to give Nagi a confused look.

"It's alright," he repeated, leaning in to kiss Tot.

*************************************************************************

Author's Notes: ___ Ah, I couldn't help it. It just...fit. Yeah, yeah... *watches the BradxNagi/NagixBrad fans go wild* ¬.¬

Oh yeah, chapter four is in the works. (if you count one paragraph 'the works') But really, after this chapter...I have no idea where I'm going with this story. I smell angst but I'm trying to keep it out of this story. *smacks angst with a large blunt object*


	4. Chapter Four

Author's Notes: I just kinda wrote different parts to this chapter at different times of the day. Usually, for me to write a chapter I have to do it in one sitting. This chapter sort of shows why. I jump from angsty to humor to just whatever. ^^;; This chapter is a little odd to say the least. I wrote it a few days ago and then I changed a bunch of stuff to make it funnier ¬.¬ Bad humor though. This chapter is the result of eating Schuldig-flavored candy (no, I don't mean _that_ flavor ^^;;; )

Disclaimer: These bishounen do not belong to me. *sobs* They belong to Takehito Koyasu *swoons* and Project Weiss and whoever owns them that I didn't list here. Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (I mean there's like 2,681 Weiss fics on FF.net alone, like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something.

Also, I want to thank Koyuki Aode (*extra glomp for you for pocky refill!*) Rinny, Shizuyoko, Rikkali, Leigh Roslyn Merquise, and Psycho-Shounen for reviewing! *glomps* Reviews mean so much to me!

******************************************************************************************

Brad's Worst Reality Chapter Four

******************************************************************************************

"Nagi-kun..." Tot whispered after the kiss ended.

Mocha brown eyes watched Nagi. Their faces were mere inches apart. Nagi felt a blush creep up on him again. No...no this was wrong... Brad would KILL him if he found out! And yet...

He leaned in again, but this time Tot stopped him from their kiss.

"Nagi-kun...I feel..._something_...down there..."

"Down there?" Nagi repeated, his body was pressed up against Brad's so of course he felt the erection too. He put some space in between them as he blushed again, "A-ano...it's just...um...it'll go away after awhile..."

"How?"

"Um," Nagi stood up quickly, "I-I gotta go."

He opened the bedroom door, and headed for the bathroom when a hand caught his shoulder. He jumped in surprise and turned around.

"Schuldig!"

"Hey, who you having fun with in there?" Schuldig asked.

"I don't know what you're--"

"Tch, you can't hide things from a telepath. Her thoughts were practically screaming."

"Ah..."

"Now the question I have for you is, who were you kissing?" the German smirked, "Brad or Tot?"

"...I'm not sure..."

"Just stay away from him, Nagi."

Nagi scowled, "You're just angry that you didn't get your night of sex from Brad." He said matter-of-factly.

"Hah, whatever," Schuldig clenched his fists, "I can have Brad whenever I want!"

"Sure you can."

"I don't see why his body is off limits," Schuldig whined, leaning against the wall, "His body is still intact, and it's not like HE has to go through with it."

"I don't think that's the point," Nagi said, suddenly sounding very bored.

"Like you would care. You probably wanna be in there screwing him senseless too."

"...................."

"Well I'm first, dammit!" Schuldig ran into Nagi's room where Tot was.

Nagi stayed in the hallway for a moment, listening to what would happen. There was a scream, a smacking noise, a shout of pain, then the door opened and Schuldig stepped out. His fingers lightly brushed a wound on his face.

"How come no one told me she stuffs that rabbit with rocks, rather than stuffing?" Schuldig asked, a tad of sarcasm in his voice.

"I didn't think it was an important fact you needed to know," Nagi said, rolling his eyes.

Schuldig swore under his breath and walked to the living room. Nagi leaned against the wall, glancing in his bedroom.

__

What exactly do I feel anyway? Nagi thought.

Inside Brad's room, the American was just barely suppressing a laugh at having Seen that one coming to Schuldig.

"I think you made god laugh today," Farfarello commented.

"Oh, just go back to slicing yourself," Schuldig replied bitterly, grabbing the remote and flipping through the TV channels.

Nagi came into the room and slumped on the couch. He should've actually been doing his homework, but he couldn't concentrate.

"Done obsessing over our favorite American?" Schuldig taunted.

"I could ask the same about you."

"Oh you know me, I never give up."

"You should get a hobby Schuldig," Farfarello commented, running the blade of his knife over his skin, "Like knife collecting, or knife cleaning, or licking knives, or finding a deity to try to kill."

Schuldig put his hand to his chin, "But isn't sex a hobby?"

"To you, maybe."

The German sighed, "I can't take this... Any of you have five minutes to spare?"

"As long as I get to handcuff you to the headboard."

"As long as I get to restrain you with my telekinesis."

Schuldig rolled his eyes, "You two are no fun. Doesn't matter. I wanted the rather elusive incredibly sexy Brad Crawford anyway. Not his lackeys."

Both Nagi and Farfarello glared at him.

"Um..." 

The telepath glanced up at the voice, "What?"

Tot walked over to Schuldig, "I'm sorry for attacking you, but you scared me back there."

Schuldig blinked. This was the first time he'd heard Brad's voice say 'sorry' and the word hadn't even come from him. Sorry, huh? Schuldig decided to take advantage of this one.

"I don't know if I can forgive you," he said in a mock-saddened voice, "I mean the pain in my heart hurts more than my face..."

"Eto..."

"I think there's only one way you can make me feel better."

"How?"

Schuldig grabbed Tot's -er, Brad's- hand, "I'll show you. It's in my room."

"Schuldig..."

The German turned to see a petite girl glaring at him.

"God dammit, Brad!" Schuldig threw a mini-temper tantrum and sat back down on the couch.

"If you're so restless and horny, then why don't you just go out and find a stranger to screw?"

"Nooo," Schuldig whined, "I want yoooouu..."

"Don't long for something you can't have."

*************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes: Sorry, short chapter again. Poor Schuldig. ^^;; It seems everyone's out to get a piece of Brad's body, ne? Well, 'cept Farfarello. He's a nice knife-licking psychopathic Irishman --who hurts god too! ^_^ And I know...there really isn't that much Farfarello in this story. My explanation is simple: I simply don't write him very well. Gomen ne, Farfie fans. 


	5. Chapter Five

Author's Notes: This chapter was fun to write. And yes, I did write it while on a sugar high. Bwahahahaha!! Oh! And once again I elaborated on one of Yotan's ideas that she gave me. *ties up Josh, Miki, and Youji and hands them over to Yotan* Arigato for the ideas, Yotan. ^_^

Disclaimer: These bishounen do not belong to me. *sobs* They belong to Takehito Koyasu *swoons* and Project Weiss and whoever owns them that I didn't list here. Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (I mean there's like 2,681 Weiss fics on FF.net alone, like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something.

Also, I want to thank Koyuki Aode (hehehe, I love ya *munches on pocky*) Shy, Link621, and P.S Speare for reviewing! *glomps* Reviews mean a lot to me and I appreciate it! 

******************************************************************************************

Brad's Worst Reality Chapter Five

******************************************************************************************

It had been almost three weeks. Almost three weeks had passed since that fateful mission. Brad groggily sat up in the bed, running his hands through long tangled sky-blue hair. He went to the bathroom and stared at his reflection as he tried to brush the knots out of the hair. It was sad that he was almost getting used to his reflection. All the other times he had come into the bathroom, he had usually gasped in disbelief.

"Damn hair. I'll never understand why Schuldig keeps his long. Though if he ever cuts his--" Brad paused and grinned, setting the brush down on the counter and digging through the cabinet under the bathroom sink, "There they are..."

He grabbed a handful of hair, positioning the scissors to cut, and did. Snip. Snip, Snip. No more long hair.

Now granted, Brad never did cut hair this long before. But he was confident that he couldn't do too bad of a job. It would only be a few inches......or so.

He put the scissors down and glanced at the mirror. Not bad. Sure, he would never pursue a career in this, but he didn't cut it too bad. It was about the same length as that lanky Weiß assassin's hair...maybe a bit shorter.

He cleaned up the cut hair on the floor and emerged from the bathroom to get dressed. Or would have made it to his bedroom had he not bumped into Tot.

"My...my hair! What did you do to my hair?!?!"

"I cut--"

Big body pushes little body. Little body falls backwards on to the ground. Big body straddles little body and starts beating the pulp out of him whilst screaming about long, beautiful, flowing sky-blue hair.

By then, Schuldig, Nagi, and Farfarello had been waken up by Tot's shouts at Brad. They emerged from their respective bedrooms only to watch the fight in the middle of the hallway.

"Whoa....Brad's getting his ass kicked by a girl," Farfarello commented in amusement.

"You think we should stop them?" Nagi asked, turning to Schuldig.

"Nah," Schuldig yawned, "Oh wait...they are between me and the bathroom, so I guess we'll have to."

He pulled Brad's body off of Tot's, trying to stop Tot from struggling.

"Hey now, what's with the bitch fight at 7am?" he asked, then noticed Tot's hair, "What'd you do?"

"A simple haircut is all," Brad said, standing up, trying to ignore the pain rushing through this body.

"My hair!" Tot screamed again, "You're so mean! You're so rude! You're so evil!!"

"You can always grow it out again," Brad told her, walking past the group and to his room.

Schuldig released Tot, and she stormed off. Nagi sighed, deciding to make breakfast and going into the kitchen. Farfarello followed close behind.

A few minutes later, Brad emerged from the bedroom and confronted Tot, "You are NOT shaving my head!!"

"Why not?" Tot asked, who was now leaning against the wall, waiting for her turn in the bathroom.

"You do and I'll shave this head."

She glared, "You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh I would!"

"Betcha he isn't lying," Schuldig said, emerging from the bathroom, and snaking an arm around Brad's waist.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off!" Brad glared at Schuldig.

"Oh come on, you get to see what a cute couple we make from a different point-of-view," Schuldig teased, "Hey, I'll even let you watch what it's like for us to make love from that point-of-view."

"Schuldig, I'm warning you right now not to mess with me."

"You're never in a good mood," Schuldig scowled, crossing his arms, "PMS-y prick."

Brad twitched, refraining from shoving his knee into Schuldig's groin. He needed that to still be useful and intact for when he got back into his own body. Instead, he shook his head and went to the kitchen.

It was late at night...actually the very, very early hours of morning. Schuldig opened his eyes and sighed. Just another dream. He hated those kind that he couldn't make a reality, though the reality was almost within his reach.

He shoved the blankets off his body and slipped on a pair of sweats. He headed for the kitchen to get a drink, but paused at the sound of slight snoring coming from the couch.

He peered over the side of the couch, looking at Brad's sleeping form. Brad's sleeping form that he could take advantage of while everyone was asleep. He smirked in the darkness of the room. Running a hand through dark black-blue hair, he leaned down to gently kiss Brad's slightly parted lips.

"Damn Brad..." he cursed, not letting it go any further than that.

He stood up again and suddenly got an idea. An eviiiiil idea. Forgetting that his intentions had been to get a glass of water and go back to bed, he went to Farfarello's room.

He flipped, on the bedroom light and watched in mild amusement as Farfie hissed and put the blanket over his head.

"Dammit Schuldig! I only have one eye left, are you trying to blind it?!"

"I wasn't aware that you slept with one eye open..."

"Get out."

Schuldig shook his head and clapped his hands a few times, "C'mon Farfie, get up! It's god-hurting time!"

Farfarello shifted his position on the bed, "At...what time is it?"

"One A.M, Sunshine."

Farfarello grumbled, "Does it involve killing or any blood spill?"

"Um...no."

"Then it can wait until morning."

"Farfie turning down the chance to hurt god?" Schuldig mock-gasped, "I'll have to write this on the calendar! God will laugh!"

"Alright, alright," Farfarello said, sitting up in the bed, "What the hell do you want?"

"For you to assist me in tonight's god-hurting plan."

"It won't hurt god much, if there isn't any blood spill."

"It'll hurt god cause we'll scare two people shitless," Schuldig told him.

"What do you have in mind?"

Schuldig smirked, "Follow me."

He led Farfarello to Nagi's bedroom. The boy was fast asleep, when they observed him.

"We're not going to rape him in his sleep, are we?"

"Nah, we won't do that," Schuldig replied, "Pick him up."

"...Ok," Farfarello scooped the petite boy into his arms and lifted his body off the bed, "Now what?"

"Follow me."

This time they headed for Brad's room. Schuldig crept in first, checking to make sure Brad was completely asleep before signaling Farfarello to enter.

"Place Nagi on the bed," Schuldig whispered.

He did.

"Next to Brad, baka."

"Oh," Farfarello picked Nagi up and set his sleeping form next to Brad's.

He moved to stand beside the silently cackling Schuldig to observe the two sleeping forms.

"Now what?"

"Now," Schuldig smirked, "We wait for morning."

Brad sighed. How long had it been since he'd waken up to find another body pressed up against his? So....Schuldig had come to sleep with him after all? He hardly thought that believable. Really. But, who else would curl up with him in the middle of the night? 

....Heh. 

An arm was lazily draped over his waist and he grabbed the owner's hand, running his fingers over their's. Wait...since when did Schuldig's hand feel small? He turned slightly to see who was in his bed, then froze, then screamed.

"AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!"

Nagi opened his eyes and was face to face with.....

"AAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!"

"Get out!! What the hell are you doing in here?!?!?!" Brad shouted, jumping out of the bed.

"Sumimasen!! I don't know how I got here!" Nagi defended, also getting out of the bed.

Brad tried to get his breathing back to normal, refraining from killing the teenager that was in his bed, "Then how else did you get -- SCHULDIG!!!!"

Schuldig bolted up in his bed at the sound of screaming. Hah, so they were up now. The German quickly left his room, nearly bumping into Farfarello who was also on the way to Brad's bedroom. Needless to say, the American looked a bit flustered.

"Yes, Miss Brad?"

"What the hell did you do?!?!?!" Brad asked.

Schuldig looked innocent, glancing at Nagi, then at Brad, then pointing at Farfarello, "He did it. I saw him."

"EH?!" Farfarello kicked Schuldig in the shin, "Bastard! You made me do it!"

"I did not use mind control."

"You--!!!"

"Who's idea was it?!" Brad demanded.

"Schuldig's of course."

Schuldig scoffed, "Oh yeah, blame me. Blame _Guilty_. Do I look guilty to you?"

"You ARE Guilty!" Brad and Farfarello shouted.

The phone rang, but of course no one paid attention. Nagi watched from standing beside the bed as Tot's petite body and Farfarello doubled teamed against Schuldig and were beating the crap out of him.

"Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!" Tot screamed, "Papa's on the phone and he said he found the cure!"

"Huh?!" Brad looked up, stopping from hitting Schuldig.

__

Cure?! Brad thought he was hearing things. _Finally! Finally getting back into my own body!_

*************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes: Yes....you know what's coming now. The next chapter will be the last. *sighs* And I would've written out Schuldig's dream, but then I would've had to move this fic to the NC-17 section. And I'm trying my best to keep it PG-13... Besides, you readers can imagine it for yourselves, ne?

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention this before.... Shy...I appreciate your idea, and while me and Yotan talked about that, I decided that was where I drew the line with Brad torture. I love Brad, I really do, so I couldn't do that to him. *huggles chibi-Brad who tries to bite her* ^^;; I really didn't make this fic to be mean to Brad. He's my 2nd favorite character in all of WK (Schu's #1) and the reason why I picked him to switch with Tot was cause I like throwing him in the toughest situations and watching him crawl out of it alive. He's a tough guy. ^_~

Okay.......I'm done with my speech now....Gomen nasai. ^_^;;;;


	6. Chapter Six

Author's Notes: Ahh! Gomen nasai!! I forgot I still had this laying around. I thought I'd uploaded it already. ^^;; Ooops. Last chapter. Yes, last chapter. I know, I know. I probably enjoyed writing this as much as you did reading this. Of course I'll get working on more fics, but as for this one, The End. ^_~

Disclaimer: These bishounen do not belong to me. *sobs* They belong to Takehito Koyasu *swoons* and Project Weiss and whoever owns them that I didn't list here. Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (I mean there's like 2,681 Weiss fics on FF.net alone, like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something.

Also, I want to thank Makoto Kudou, Koyuki Aode, Rinny, and BrainDamage for reviewing! *glomps* Thank you, thank you!

******************************************************************************************

Brad's Worst Reality Chapter Six

******************************************************************************************

Brad could have cried. But he wasn't the type of man to cry tears of joy. He grinned, staring at his hands...like he'd been doing for the past ten minutes.

Masafumi had long-since left the lab, making sure Brad and Tot were both alright, and that nothing else had gone wrong. Tot ran off to go show Shoen, Hel, and Neu that she was back to normal...as scary as that still was...

The only ones left in the lab were the Schwarz members.

"You know...I never appreciated my own body so much..." Brad started to say.

"Please, no speeches," Nagi said, rolling his eyes.

"Okay Brad...yes, those are your hands, those are your feet, your smile is making me horny, your body is making me horny..." 

"I never appreciated me so much..."

"You know, I think Tot's still in there somewhere," Farf said, grabbing out a knife, "You want me to cut her out?"

"No," Brad glared, "Don't touch my body. MY body."

"I think I'm starting to agree with you there, Farfarello," Nagi told the Irishman.

"And your voice is making me horny, and your eyes are making me horny, your body is making me horny and yes, I know I already said that..."

Farf giggled a bit and, Nagi shook his head and sighed.

"You know that you owe me for wearing all my clothes," Nagi told the American.

"Yes, I know that," Brad replied, "What do want for it? Another new computer or something?"

Nagi motioned with his finger for Brad to come closer. Brad let himself be baited and did. What did the kid want? He leaned down closer to Nagi and the boy wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. 

Brad immediately panicked and tried to pull away, but Nagi's powers wouldn't let him. Nagi's tongue pressed against his teeth, and Brad opened his mouth slightly allowing their tongues to intertwine. Finally, Nagi pulled back and grinned at Brad, who by now was a bit flustered.

"What..what was that for?"

"I wanted to see if kissing the real you, rather than you with Tot in your body was any better," Nagi said, blushing slightly.

"You...kissed me, while Tot was in my body?" Brad asked.

"Well, it's more like she kissed me, then I kissed her..." Nagi explained.

"Young man, you are soooooo grounded."

"...Yeah," Nagi shrugged, "Well, that was your payment for borrowing my clothes."

"You're still grounded. I would've expected Schuldig, but not you. What ELSE did you two do?"

"What are you implying, Brad?" Nagi said, shaking his head, "Tot wanted her first time to be when she was in her own body, but I dunno...I guess the attraction to her died somewhere down the line." he scuffed his shoe on the ground.

"Uh-uh," Schuldig said, finally getting out of his 'I-am-horny' daze. He shook his head and slapped Brad's behind, "This piece of American ass is MINE. Go find your own."

"Schuldig..." Brad glared.

"Speaking of which, Mister Brad...." Schuldig said, crossing his arms, "You owe me, like a thousand times over for making me wait this long."

"How is it my fault?"

"You were the one who kept me from screwing you senseless all this time, remember?"

"Well..." Brad shrugged, "Now you know how I feel."

"What?"

"Hey, it's not like I could've pulled you aside and decided right then and there that we'd screw."

Schuldig winced at the mental image of himself and Tot...

"That's gross, that's just nasty!" Schuldig shouted at Brad, trying to make the images disappear.

"Well now you knew what I was thinking when you tried screwing my body. I got the same mental images. You and Tot. It was disgusting," Brad put a hand on his hip and smirked at Schuldig, "Plus, I couldn't let you get a piece of me, if I couldn't get a piece of you."

Schuldig grinned, approaching the American and rubbing against him, "Bradley, Bradley..." he paused, "I know a place where we can get a quickie before going home for a long sleepless night." 

"Where?"

"Right here." *pounce*

*************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes: And Schu gets laid. Or is it Brad? Mmmmm...uke-Brad is just delicious. Er...I hope you tried to understand where Brad was coming from. His libido was pestering him too...and of course, Schu's constant whining probably only made it worse. And before I suddenly get poetic here (o.O) I'll shut up and move on....

For those of you who stuck with me every chapter, I want to say thank you. I really honestly appreciate it. Oddly, this is the most successful fic I've ever written and even if it isn't my favorite, I am pleased with it. Thanks again for reading and look for more fanfiction coming from me. Namely, Oasis Mirror, another WK fic, but this time co-written with Shizuyoko and posted with her pen name. See ya!


End file.
